Why Complicate Your Life?

I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become

Jung

 

I recently received an email from Ida (name changed). She’d heard me speak at a luncheon and was hoping I might be able to help her because she hasn’t dated in ten years! Here’s a slice of what she wrote:

 

“I dated a guy for four years during college. We dreamed of getting married and growing old together. There was just one problem: Communication! He could never understand me. I’d try to communicate how I was feeling but it never ended well. It left me feeling inept and him frustrated. His family loved me, my family loved him, we had the same morals, the same religion, and the same aspirations in life, but in the end we just fought too much. It would take us days to resolve a fight because we wouldn’t be able to see eye to eye. I haven’t dated anyone for ten years because I honestly thought that if it didn’t work out with him it wouldn’t work out with anyone.”

 

I’m not a dating coach, but I think I can help Ida – at least help her see her situation from a new perspective.

 

Relationship is ALL about communication. 

 

The quality of our life is in direct proportion to the quality of the communication in our life.

 

I’m not able (at this point) to analyze where and how the communication broke down in her relationship BUT I can pinpoint where the communication broke down in terms of how she communicated with her own self.

 

Ida decided that because her relationship with her college beau didn’t work out, then, she had no chance with any other man on the face of the earth! This arbitrary decision was based on a sampling of just one man!

 

She convinced herself it was true and because she believed it to be true, she cut herself off from the possibility of romantic love. For ten years she has allowed herself to be held hostage by a lie.

 

If she wants to date again, then she can. The only thing holding her back is the lie she bought into ten years ago.

 

But here’s the thing – most of us, at one time or another in our lives, buy into a self-imposed lie that ends up sabotaging us.

 

Typical lies include:

I have to be “perfect” for people to appreciate me; I have to have everyone “love” me in order to be worthwhile, etc., etc.

 

Are you feeling constrained, trapped, or demotivated?

Chances are it’s because you’re believing a lie that you’ve convinced yourself is true.

 

Put the spotlight on the lie, bravely expose it for the nonsense it is and then do something that gives you life and doesn’t keep you locked away.

 

Oh, and Ida’s joining Match.com this week!

 

Do you complicate your life with lies that hold you hostage?

Do you want to have the confidence that will allow you

to engage others without crippling self-consciousness?

 

To explore how one-on-one communication skills coaching can help you present you with enhanced confidence,

please contact me

  [email protected]

818-415-8115

About Those Voices in Your Head?!

 

Mary Oliver is one of my favorite poets – and this is one of my favorite Mary Oliver poems.

 

I often turn to this poem when I need a shot of encouragement. . .

 

The Journey

Mary Oliver

    One day you finally knew

    what you had to do, and began,

    though the voices around you

    kept shouting

    their bad advice–

    though the whole house

    began to tremble

    and you felt the old tug

    at your ankles.

    “Mend my life!”

    each voice cried.

    But you didn’t stop.

    You knew what you had to do,

    though the wind pried

    with its stiff fingers

    at the very foundations,

    though their melancholy

    was terrible.

    It was already late

    enough, and a wild night,

    and the road full of fallen

    branches and stones.

    But little by little,

    as you left their voices behind,

    the stars began to burn

    through the sheets of clouds,

    and there was a new voice

    which you slowly

    recognized as your own,

    that kept you company

    as you strode deeper and deeper

    into the world,

    determined to do

    the only thing you could do–

    determined to save

    the only life you could save.

 

 

I especially like the lines,

You knew what you had to do. . .

and there was a new voice

which you slowly

recognized as your own

 

As with so many of us, there are “voices” that cause us to doubt our abilities and ourselves.

 

Voices that paralyze us.

 

Voices that “sound” real and yet, the fears they instill in us are remote possibilities at best, illusory at worst.

 

And, still, we give them power.

 

What is something you know you have to do, yet, haven’t mustered the courage because you’ve paid too much attention to the “voices” that say: “Don’t!” and “Why bother? What’s the use?”

 

Why do you give those lying voices power?

 

Are there voices you’re ignoring? Voices that speak of work that excites you and generates curiosity?

 

What would your daily life look like, if you quieted the voices that sabotage you and instead welcomed the voices that encourage you to risk?

 

Why not begin to do today what you know you have to do and let that be your legacy for this day. . .

 

and then, take it up again tomorrow. . .and tomorrow. . .

 

 

Do you want to break through the negative thinking that is preventing you from

doing the work you know in your heart you want to do?

To explore how life coaching can help you gain clarity + emotional courage,

please contact me:

[email protected]

818-415-8115

Thank You!!

 

THANK YOU!

To all of you who subscribe to my monthly newsletter –

I’m grateful for our connection

and promise to continue to find ways for us to connect and grow!

Onward and upward –

Always!

~JP