Month: October 2019

The man who says he can and the man who says he can’t are both correct.

Confucious

When Chandler Massey won his first daytime Emmy for his role as Will on Days Of Our Lives he was the odds-on favorite in his category, though he didn’t take the predictions seriously.

In fact, he didn’t even bother to write an acceptance speech.

He revealed to reporters that he hadn’t prepared a speech because he didn’t want to “jinx it.”

He later regretted not writing one because he forgot to thank various special people, including his grandparents.

I was amused reading this (yes, of course, I was in a doctor’s waiting room!)  because how often have I refrained from doing or saying something because I didn’t want to “jinx” it – whatever “it” is!

So many of us engage in this primitive practice of superstition.

My father used to say, “Don’t get your hopes up because you don’t want to be disappointed.”

I followed his advice for years – and never got disappointed – or super excited.

I trained myself to focus on the negative and to downplay my talents, wishes and hopes.  I learned that hoping can only lead to disappointment.

I’ve met many people who are reluctant to prepare for the best because that could somehow increase the chances of “the best” not happening.

If you think about it, isn’t it amazing just how much power we think we have over the universe? Instead of, “build it and they will come” their mantra is more like, “don’t dream it and it will come about.”

Had Massey written an acceptance speech, he still would have won since the mere act of writing would not have had the power to make all those winning votes magically disappear!

He engaged in superstitious thinking and we all do it in some form or another:

Let’s not talk about bad jury duty experiences because then we’ll receive a summons the next day (hmm. . .I hope I didn’t just jinx myself!).

Let’s not talk about it raining on my special occasion because then it will rain.

Let’s not prepare since that would entail too much power on our part; but let’s acknowledge we do have power to shape things by simply speaking of them!

What’s wrong with being disappointed?

Okay, that’s such an obnoxious question because we all know being disappointed sucks.

However, had Massey written his speech and lost, he would have been disappointed AND he would have had that thank you written so he could have sent it to those he loved.

After all, he wasn’t thanking them for winning, he was thanking them for loving him and he didn’t need to wait to stand on stage with a trophy to do that!

What kind of superstitious thinking are you doing?

Is it stopping you from doing something you would enjoy?

Do you want to break through the negative thinking that is preventing you from being influential and heard? 

To explore how one-on-one communication skills coaching can help you present you with enhanced confidence,

contact me at:

  JP@thebusinessofconfidence.com

818-415-8115

Taking a new step, uttering a new word, is what people fear most.

Fyodor Dostoevsky

Shortly after his 90^th birthday, my father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Six weeks later, he passed away.

Knowing that our father was dying, I resolved that I wouldn’t argue with my brother about anything relating to our dad’s care and burial. We had argued over so many details when our mother died that I was determined we would do it “right” this time. I felt confident – after all, I coach people in how to handle difficult, stress-filled situations.

I was going to coach Peter and myself through this ordeal. . .

Ah, but I’d forgotten that old habits die hard!

Within an hour of my landing back in New Jersey, Peter and I were pressing each other’s buttons with ease. That is, until we looked each other in the eye and said “no – not this time.”

More than anything, we wanted to work together so as to be together for our father in his last days.

When Peter and I were growing up, our father always told us to “keep your eye on the ball, kid.”

Given that Peter and I never played sports, his advice made little sense! Eventually, we figured out he was quoting some famous sports person (still don’t know who) and what he was trying to say was that if you stay focused on what you want, you can have it.

Sitting by our father’s side in the nursing home, Peter and I kept our “eye” on the ball, supporting our father and each other in all ways caring.

While old habits may never die, this time they did not take hold as in times past. What happened?  Peter & I were able to laugh at our own selves and at each other.

“You know you’re being controlling, don’t you?” 

“No, I’m not!” 

“Then, what do you call it?” 

Pause.

“Controlling!”

We didn’t allow old rituals to stranglehold us. We quickly (okay, “somewhat” quickly) caught ourselves when we fell into old patterns and moved on to a more honest, more engaging place.

Old habits may die hard or they may never die.

The real issue, though, is this – we can change our relationship with old habits of talking and relating.

Awareness + desire = change

Well, actually, awareness + desire + skill + practice = change.

Here are some questions to help you become more aware of the rituals that trip you up at work and in your personal life:

• What is a recurring situation in which you respond in familiar, knee-jerk fashion?
• What triggers are being pressed?
• If the old ways of responding are not working for you, why do you persist in using those ways?
• What would you like to see happen differently?
• What would you have to do for that “different” to happen?
• What’s holding you back from doing that “different”?
• What can you start doing to make it easier for you to do what you want to do?

Remember

Old habits have only as much power and control as we give them!

Do you want to learn how to confidently break the old habits that keep tripping you up –

so as to develop and nurture successful professional relationships?

 

To explore how business skills coaching can help you present you with enhanced confidence – and joy

please contact me

  JP@thebusinessofconfidence.com

818-415-8115