The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Last week, while mulling over this newsletter, I received an email from a former student, a fellow for whom I’d written a letter of recommendation to med school. Since he reads the newsletter, I’ll respect his privacy and call him Peter.
Peter reported that he did not get into med school this round AND he was not giving-up. If anything, he has a new-found sense of determination and hope. His note was truly heartening. Two years ago he would have caved in to feelings of guilt and hopelessness, this time was different.
He was different.
Certain experiences of the past year altered his attitude + perception about himself and his desires and his abilities.
Another way of saying this is that this time around Peter is – SHOWING UP to his life.
Confident people Show Up to their lives.
They are present, being self and “other” aware in the moment.
When a confident person Shows Up they take responsibility for engaging with their life in all its unpredicatableness and messiness.
Michael, a newish client, shared in our latest session his frustration dealing with a couple of direct reports who consistently give push-back.
He is so focused on his frustration that he’s allowed himself to feel trapped like a hostage. He believes the lie he has no options.
But – Michael does have options – just as Peter has options.
Michael needs to do what Peter did. He needs to – Show Up.
He has to snap out of his self-hypnosis and develop a plan.
He has to decide what he wants his direct reports to:
For Michael – and for most of us – the Challenge is to go from the book / pod / video / class notes to the real experience of life in all its communication messiness and wackadoness!
And I’m now convinced it is ALL about – “working out.”
You go to the gym, park, beach or mountains to exercise. You do yoga, bike or lift weights with commitment.
Most of us commit because we want to see something happen – whether it’s to run a marathon or fit into a particular size of clothing.
Most of us exercise wanting and visualizing ourselves being different.
Why don’t we apply this technique to how we “exercise” the way we communicate?
I’m suggesting you –
- What do you want to look like as someone who SHOWS UP?
- How do you want to feel being a confident communicator?
- How do you want to sound?
I will admit, I’m feeling like a hypocrite as I write all this BECAUSE two weeks ago I was handed a last-minute gig. A speaker had backed out of a workshop for seventy beauty professionals from South America who were expecting a three-hour workshop on “managing high-performing teams.”
I had 72 hours to prepare and I wasn’t sure I could deliver the value, worth and good memory they were expecting.
My default setting is to worry with self-doubt – and not Show Up.
My default setting is to believe it is wrong not to self-doubt!
The challenge –
To Show Up trusting myself and my ability.
How do that?
- Show Up aware of what I’m feeling + how I could sabotage myself with a self-defeating story about self and others
- Show Up knowing what I want
- Show Up believing I’m capable of pursuing what I want
- Show Up ready to do the strategy I’ve devised
- Show Up committed to practicing + then reflecting on how I’ve practiced
Business coach Dane Sanders likes to ask the question:
If there was a story that was truer than the story you tell yourself now – about you – would you want to know it?
In order to Show Up you have to be willing to tell a truer story of who you are.
My workshop turned out different than I had anticipated. I gave them something they weren’t expecting and something they could build upon.
I Showed Up.
I Showed Up because I told myself a different story about myself. A story where I wasn’t doomed to make a fool out of myself.
I was like Peter who is reapplying to med school because he’s told himself a truer story about himself. Peter has decided to trust himself, trust his desire and trust his new strategy. That trust – that truer story – is what’s allowing him to reapply to med school.
The “Business” of Confidence is about telling yourself the right story about yourself – and then showing up!
Want help creating a strategy for Showing-Up to YOUR life?
Have you been thinking about Life-Skills Coaching?
Let’s explore how I can help you gain massive traction on your goals!