Tag Archives for #communicationscoaching

10 Ways to Telegraph to Clients You’re a Trustworthy Person

 

 

The purpose of life is not to be happy.

It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate,

to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.

 

Emerson

 

People hire me for my skill as a coach and trainer – BUT – they rehire me because they trust me.

 

At the core of my work is the belief that all of communication is about two things: Psychology + Strategy

 

Understand what makes you tick

Understand what makes the other person tick

Then you can develop a strategy for getting heard and understood.

 

In practical terms, what this means is – we all do what we do and say what we say for a reason. No one “just is.”

 

We communicate so as to get our needs met – every time.

 

THE greatest need that each one of us has is – the need to be seen.

 

There is no greater fear than the fear of being ignored. Dismissed. Misunderstood.

 

When people believe that we “see” them then they will trust us.

 

Trust is grounded in seeing.

 

While there are many ways in which to reassure folks that you “see” them, here are ten of my go-to techniques.

 

 

  1. Know your story. What are you about? Why do you love doing what you love doing? AND are you open to the stories of others? Our stories are not in competition with each other. Rather, they energize and enliven each other, so that in a real meeting, stripped of pretense, the phrases you’ll hear said repeatedly are, “That happened to you? This is what happened to me!”

 

  1. Look for points of shared commonality. Whenever I meet with someone for the first time, I’m looking for where their story intersects with mine. I approach expecting to be impressed. I approach with curiosity and am quick with a compliment. Being genuinely interested in someone makes you genuinely interesting. And people tend to trust interesting people.

 

  1. Be light-hearted for there already is so much that drags life into puddles. Humor goes a long way to making us more approachable.

 

 

  1. Don’t bash or complain. Negativity has a life of its own. If they complain about the team’s work, inquire why. Don’t play into their negativity because what good do you hope to accomplish?

 

  1. Know how to describe and characterize your professional hallmark. “This is my approach” – can you make that assertion with confidence, surety and pride? People are drawn to another person’s self-awareness when it is grounded in humility and not arrogance.

 

  1. Call a person by their name. There is no sweeter sound.

 

  1. Demonstrate how you personalize your work with and for them. Let them know that you’re not simply performing a “routine.” Let them know you understand and “see” their need.

 

  1. Play off of energy. Pay attention to the different energies in a meeting or an encounter. Bring your own unique branded energy by asking questions. Ask, “What are you thinking?” all the while being patient.

 

  1. Don’t be desperate. Know that you’re not right for everyone. It’s not personal. It’s not rejection – it’s a matter of style preferring style.

 

 

  1. Offer gratitude. Develop ways to telegraph gratitude that reassures people you value their value.

 

 

Now THIS is the business of confidence!

 

 

 

Do you want to break through the negative thinking that is preventing you from being influential and heard?

To explore how one-on-one communication skills coaching can help you present you with enhanced confidence,

contact me at:

  JP@thebusinessofconfidence.com

818-415-8115

 

 

How To Break Through Fear

 

Your life is what your thoughts make it.

Confucious

 

 

Recently I Zoomed with Jasmin (names changed), a new client who wants to learn how to engage and not repel people. She claims she turns off people because she has a hard time making eye contact and gets nervous when talking, especially with people she doesn’t know and so doesn’t trust.

 

Because Jasmin has a great smile and friendly energy I was puzzled – what is she telling herself that makes her feel so uneasy that her unease becomes off-putting?

 

Jasmin eventually revealed she’s afraid people are going to hurt her – not physically, but emotionally.

 

When I asked when was the last time someone had intentionally or unintentionally hurt her, to her surprise, she couldn’t recall!

 

Her fear has as much validity as the fear of getting hit by lightning on a clear day. While she recognizes her fear is bogus, it still paralyzes her.

 

Facing down fear, no matter how irrational, is hard because it requires that we  change and we can’t change until we acknowledge the fear is irrational. 

 

There’s more. . .

 

The truth is – the only person who likes change is a wet baby!

 

Before any change can take place, we have to recognize the sneakiness of our resistance –

what are we truly afraid of? 

 

Jasmin isn’t afraid of people. She’s afraid of being hurt by people. Or more accurately, she’s afraid of the possibility of people hurting her.

 

Change is not about a personality makeover.

 

However, only when we decide to do something new can we then resolve to manage our self-sabotaging behavior.

We can resolve we’re not going to continue to be entrapped by our old, fear-induced rituals. 

 

Managing our self-sabotaging behavior is ALL about learning how not to screw things up for our own self.

 

Here are four steps to take so as not to get in your own way. 

 

First – when a fear kicks in, stop and ask yourself, “Am I simply reacting out of habit?” 

 

Jasmin revealed that when she goes into a work meeting, virtual or in-person, she gets nervous because she’s afraid of getting hurt. But there’s no one in that meeting who will hurt her without her permission.

 

Since she knows she works with good people, getting nervous is just her default setting.

 

Second – ask yourself, “Is there another way of doing this?” 

 

I urged Jasmin to take a moment before entering a meeting room and say to herself, “I’m entering a room where no one wants to hurt me.” She must talk down the fear of the irrational lie that people want to hurt her.

 

Third – be present – commit to showing-up in the moment. Stay present.

 

Don’t get caught up in psychodrama of your own creating.

 

Fourth – celebrate the win for “change.”

 

At some later point, take a moment to acknowledge that you resisted caving in to the power of whatever lie you’ve been telling yourself. Power comes from and in acknowledgement.

 

Our self-sabotaging lies become the air we breathe.

 

With practice we can reduce their power and break through to a new way of being and doing.

 

now THAT is the business of confidence. . .

 

 

Do you want to break through the negative thinking that is preventing you from being influential and heard?

To explore how one-on-one communication skills coaching can help you present you with enhanced confidence,

contact me at:

  JP@thebusinessofconfidence.com

818-415-8115

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