The purpose of life is not to be happy.
It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate,
to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.
People hire me for my skill as a coach and trainer – BUT – they rehire me because they trust me.
At the core of my work is the belief that all of communication is about two things: Psychology + Strategy
Understand what makes you tick
Understand what makes the other person tick
Then you can develop a strategy for getting heard and understood.
In practical terms, what this means is – we all do what we do and say what we say for a reason. No one “just is.”
We communicate so as to get our needs met – every time.
THE greatest need that each one of us has is – the need to be seen.
There is no greater fear than the fear of being ignored. Dismissed. Misunderstood.
When people believe that we “see” them then they will trust us.
Trust is grounded in seeing.
While there are many ways in which to reassure folks that you “see” them, here are ten of my go-to techniques.
- Know your story. What are you about? Why do you love doing what you love doing? AND are you open to the stories of others? Our stories are not in competition with each other. Rather, they energize and enliven each other, so that in a real meeting, stripped of pretense, the phrases you’ll hear said repeatedly are, “That happened to you? This is what happened to me!”
- Look for points of shared commonality. Whenever I meet with someone for the first time, I’m looking for where their story intersects with mine. I approach expecting to be impressed. I approach with curiosity and am quick with a compliment. Being genuinely interested in someone makes you genuinely interesting. And people tend to trust interesting people.
- Be light-hearted for there already is so much that drags life into puddles. Humor goes a long way to making us more approachable.
- Don’t bash or complain. Negativity has a life of its own. If they complain about the team’s work, inquire why. Don’t play into their negativity because what good do you hope to accomplish?
- Know how to describe and characterize your professional hallmark. “This is my approach” – can you make that assertion with confidence, surety and pride? People are drawn to another person’s self-awareness when it is grounded in humility and not arrogance.
- Call a person by their name. There is no sweeter sound.
- Demonstrate how you personalize your work with and for them. Let them know that you’re not simply performing a “routine.” Let them know you understand and “see” their need.
- Play off of energy. Pay attention to the different energies in a meeting or an encounter. Bring your own unique branded energy by asking questions. Ask, “What are you thinking?” all the while being patient.
- Don’t be desperate. Know that you’re not right for everyone. It’s not personal. It’s not rejection – it’s a matter of style preferring style.
- Offer gratitude. Develop ways to telegraph gratitude that reassures people you value their value.
Now THIS is the business of confidence!
Do you want to break through the negative thinking that is preventing you from being influential and heard?
To explore how one-on-one communication skills coaching can help you present you with enhanced confidence,
contact me at: