Today’s post is my 1st of the decade. While “happy new year” may be getting a bit old, I do wish you a “Happy New Decade!”
How is your 2020 going?
I’ve been inspired by three friends each of whom has published a long-dreamed of book. They are each in different professional fields and each has said to me over the months (if not years) that she wanted to write a book. And now, each has. It’s amazing what happens when you break through fear as these three women have.
Life inevitably means change, and while I typically in January resist it (because I’m afraid of succumbing to its dizzying effects), this year I’m inviting it with gratitude.
And so, thank you for being here on this blog with me along this journey. As we embark on a new year and a new decade know that I am hugely grateful for YOU.
I wish you a Remarkable 2020!
Many of us begin a new year reflecting on the past and feeling bad about what we haven’t accomplished. Instead of focusing on the past, I think it’s more strategic to focus on the future.
Of course, that sounds nice, but what does it mean to focus on the future?
I’ve spent much of January working with clients who were / are afraid and who were / are tired of being afraid and who felt frustrated because they didn’t know how to put distance between fear and the work they wanted to accomplish.
The fear was old. The desire and commitment were new for each of these folks.
Nick wanted to become a more engaging and fluent public speaker. He was afraid, though, that sitting in the back row of the conference room was a man who knew more than he did and who knew he was a fraud. And that man was going to expose Nick!
Randy thinks his business partners do not respect him and is afraid they want him to fail.
Dean wants his team to do what he tells them to do in the way he tells them and is afraid that all will go to hell and he’ll be fired if the team does not follow his orders.
Ann has decided to act like her first manager, a woman who offended people but got the job done, because she’s afraid her team doesn’t take her seriously because of her age and limited experience.
Denise has been forced to take early retirement from work and is afraid her life will soon be irrelevant.
Gregory chooses not to go on interviews for jobs he wants because he’s afraid of what will happen if he gets the job and fails at it – or worse, what if he disappoints his parents?
That’s a whole lotta fear – for the start of a new year!
Each of these folks has been fixated on a particular fear and that fixation has prevented them from creating a strategy that will let them smash through the fear in this new year. At least until that have that moment of calm!
Here’s the great truth. . .
You can’t make a resolution until your controlling FEAR is identified.
What are you afraid of?
Answer that question and you can make 2020 the year of smashing through FEAR!
Each of the people I named above came to me because they reached the place where they fully said, “I don’t want to be held hostage by fear anymore!”
How do you go about living this year AND kicking off a new decade free of FEAR??
I suggest. . .
Go to a fav café or spot in your home. Grab your tablet, laptop or that trusty notebook and spend some uninterrupted time answering these questions:
- What is your fear?
- Is it as real as you oftentimes think?
- Is it fueled by you or by others?
- Are you truly helpless?
- What needs to be done to do what the fear says you can’t do?
- Where can you find the resources to help you?
- What will happen if you continue to let fear have full reign?
Sure, there are some fears that are grounded in sensible reality. There are legitimate reasons to be afraid BUT the overwhelming majority of our fears are not grounded in reality. They are grounded in LIES.
Nick lied when he told himself that there is someone in every conference room ready to expose him as a fraud. That person has never and never will exist.
Randy lied when he told himself his partners were out to get him. In a calm moment he admitted to me that he has a lifetime history of an exaggerated sense of pride that makes him hyper-sensitive to comments made by colleagues. In a moment of calm he acknowledged evidence is all over the place that his partners respect him.
Ann lied when she told herself that her team didn’t like her because of her age. In a moment of calm she recognized that imitating someone she didn’t respect was not a strong strategy.
And Dean lied when he told himself there was only one way for his team to accomplish a task. In his moment of calm, he was open to the possibility that his team was made up of capable and inventive people.
Denise lied when she told herself that to retire is to become irrelevant. In a moment of calm, she admitted that the rest of her life is not determined by HR and that she can choose to become as “irrelevant” as she chooses to become.
Gregory lied when he told himself that it’s inevitable that a new job will lead to disappointment. In a moment of calm, he admitted he has the professional resources to rebound from any mistakes he might make.
Nick faced that weird little man in the back row earlier this month and delivered an impactful webinar. Was he nervous beforehand? Yes. Was he worried beforehand? Yes. BUT – before he spoke, he acknowledged the fear and simply moved on.
Smashing through fear is all about not being paralyzed by the fear.
The fear seldom goes away completely. It lurks.
What we can smash through is the paralysis that fear brings on.
Action counteracts the paralysis.
Expose the lie for what it is – a lie – AND THEN form a plan of action.
More questions for you to consider – all with an eye to formulating a strategy:
- If you can stop looking at the fear, what would you most look forward to this year?
- When did you feel most proud of your work last year?
- Can you name where you experienced the most noticeable growth last year? Dare yourself to be honest!
- In what ways can you build on that pride and growth this year?
- What do you need to better challenge and support yourself this year?
- What’s stopping you?!
The Business of Confidence is the business of not allowing yourself to be paralyzed!
Want help smashing through your FEAR in 2020?
Shoot me an email or give me a call so we can explore options!