10 Ways to Telegraph to Clients You’re a Trustworthy Person

 

 

The purpose of life is not to be happy.

It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate,

to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.

 

Emerson

 

People hire me for my skill as a coach and trainer – BUT – they rehire me because they trust me.

 

At the core of my work is the belief that all of communication is about two things: Psychology + Strategy

 

Understand what makes you tick

Understand what makes the other person tick

Then you can develop a strategy for getting heard and understood.

 

In practical terms, what this means is – we all do what we do and say what we say for a reason. No one “just is.”

 

We communicate so as to get our needs met – every time.

 

THE greatest need that each one of us has is – the need to be seen.

 

There is no greater fear than the fear of being ignored. Dismissed. Misunderstood.

 

When people believe that we “see” them then they will trust us.

 

Trust is grounded in seeing.

 

While there are many ways in which to reassure folks that you “see” them, here are ten of my go-to techniques.

 

 

  1. Know your story. What are you about? Why do you love doing what you love doing? AND are you open to the stories of others? Our stories are not in competition with each other. Rather, they energize and enliven each other, so that in a real meeting, stripped of pretense, the phrases you’ll hear said repeatedly are, “That happened to you? This is what happened to me!”

 

  1. Look for points of shared commonality. Whenever I meet with someone for the first time, I’m looking for where their story intersects with mine. I approach expecting to be impressed. I approach with curiosity and am quick with a compliment. Being genuinely interested in someone makes you genuinely interesting. And people tend to trust interesting people.

 

  1. Be light-hearted for there already is so much that drags life into puddles. Humor goes a long way to making us more approachable.

 

 

  1. Don’t bash or complain. Negativity has a life of its own. If they complain about the team’s work, inquire why. Don’t play into their negativity because what good do you hope to accomplish?

 

  1. Know how to describe and characterize your professional hallmark. “This is my approach” – can you make that assertion with confidence, surety and pride? People are drawn to another person’s self-awareness when it is grounded in humility and not arrogance.

 

  1. Call a person by their name. There is no sweeter sound.

 

  1. Demonstrate how you personalize your work with and for them. Let them know that you’re not simply performing a “routine.” Let them know you understand and “see” their need.

 

  1. Play off of energy. Pay attention to the different energies in a meeting or an encounter. Bring your own unique branded energy by asking questions. Ask, “What are you thinking?” all the while being patient.

 

  1. Don’t be desperate. Know that you’re not right for everyone. It’s not personal. It’s not rejection – it’s a matter of style preferring style.

 

 

  1. Offer gratitude. Develop ways to telegraph gratitude that reassures people you value their value.

 

 

Now THIS is the business of confidence!

 

 

 

Do you want to break through the negative thinking that is preventing you from being influential and heard?

To explore how one-on-one communication skills coaching can help you present you with enhanced confidence,

contact me at:

  JP@thebusinessofconfidence.com

818-415-8115

 

 

How To Break Through Fear

 

Your life is what your thoughts make it.

Confucious

 

 

Recently I Zoomed with Jasmin (names changed), a new client who wants to learn how to engage and not repel people. She claims she turns off people because she has a hard time making eye contact and gets nervous when talking, especially with people she doesn’t know and so doesn’t trust.

 

Because Jasmin has a great smile and friendly energy I was puzzled – what is she telling herself that makes her feel so uneasy that her unease becomes off-putting?

 

Jasmin eventually revealed she’s afraid people are going to hurt her – not physically, but emotionally.

 

When I asked when was the last time someone had intentionally or unintentionally hurt her, to her surprise, she couldn’t recall!

 

Her fear has as much validity as the fear of getting hit by lightning on a clear day. While she recognizes her fear is bogus, it still paralyzes her.

 

Facing down fear, no matter how irrational, is hard because it requires that we  change and we can’t change until we acknowledge the fear is irrational. 

 

There’s more. . .

 

The truth is – the only person who likes change is a wet baby!

 

Before any change can take place, we have to recognize the sneakiness of our resistance

what are we truly afraid of? 

 

Jasmin isn’t afraid of people. She’s afraid of being hurt by people. Or more accurately, she’s afraid of the possibility of people hurting her.

 

Change is not about a personality makeover.

 

However, only when we decide to do something new can we then resolve to manage our self-sabotaging behavior.

We can resolve we’re not going to continue to be entrapped by our old, fear-induced rituals. 

 

Managing our self-sabotaging behavior is ALL about learning how not to screw things up for our own self.

 

Here are four steps to take so as not to get in your own way. 

 

First – when a fear kicks in, stop and ask yourself, “Am I simply reacting out of habit?” 

 

Jasmin revealed that when she goes into a work meeting, virtual or in-person, she gets nervous because she’s afraid of getting hurt. But there’s no one in that meeting who will hurt her without her permission.

 

Since she knows she works with good people, getting nervous is just her default setting.

 

Second – ask yourself, “Is there another way of doing this?” 

 

I urged Jasmin to take a moment before entering a meeting room and say to herself, “I’m entering a room where no one wants to hurt me.” She must talk down the fear of the irrational lie that people want to hurt her.

 

Third – be present – commit to showing-up in the moment. Stay present.

 

Don’t get caught up in psychodrama of your own creating.

 

Fourth – celebrate the win for “change.”

 

At some later point, take a moment to acknowledge that you resisted caving in to the power of whatever lie you’ve been telling yourself. Power comes from and in acknowledgement.

 

Our self-sabotaging lies become the air we breathe.

 

With practice we can reduce their power and break through to a new way of being and doing.

 

now THAT is the business of confidence. . .

 

 

Do you want to break through the negative thinking that is preventing you from being influential and heard?

To explore how one-on-one communication skills coaching can help you present you with enhanced confidence,

contact me at:

  JP@thebusinessofconfidence.com

818-415-8115

Too Afraid to Want What You Want!

 

The possibilities are numerous once we decide to act and not react.

George Bernard Shaw

 

Todd hired me because he wanted guidance as he searched for a new job. The financial situation at his company is such that he doesn’t see room for either advancement or a raise and he doesn’t want to be stuck on a Titanic.

 

He works in the entertainment industry as a technical manager at an editing production house. He’s been at it long enough that his knowledge and expertise put him in a valued position.

 

For several months he’s been going through a series of interviews at a major Studio.  After each one, he’s been encouraged that “the job” is going to be offered to him.

 

However, in an odd twist, his fifth interview was with an executive who admitted he didn’t know what job he was interviewing Todd for!

 

At the end, the guy assured Todd that he seemed like a perfect fit – even though he couldn’t say for certain what the job was.

 

He told Todd that someone from HR would contact him shortly.

 

Todd realized that with each successive interview, he was becoming more confused as to the job he was a “shoe-in” for.

 

Ten days went by without a word. So, he called his contact and explained that he’s going on vacation and would like to know what’s up before heading out of town.

 

His contact asked him to call when he got back because for sure he’ll have good news then.

 

Todd told me that he’s not going to call; he’s fed up and if they want him, they’ll call.

 

But there’s more.

 

Todd admitted he doesn’t want them to offer him a job – whatever the job might be!

 

Intellectually, he wants “the” job, but emotionally he doesn’t.

 

He likes his job, he likes the power and influence he has and he’s afraid to lose it, but because the company’s in a financial mess he feels he should move on.

 

If the Studio says, “No,” then he’ll be happy because he can reassure himself that he tried.

 

If the Studio says, “Yes,” then he’ll go to his boss and hope he’ll counter-offer, though he doubts he can.

 

Todd admits he doesn’t want to take power in the situation because then he’ll have to live with the consequences of his decisions.

 

He’s hoping that what “should” happen, will happen.

 

Crazy?  Sure.

 

But most of us do some version of what Todd is doing.

 

Change is scary.

 

Taking responsibility for our decisions is scary.

 

Leaving it up to the “gods” to decide our fate seems less risky.

Playing mind games is more fun than mapping out a strategy.

 

But, if we don’t create our own life, then who will?

 

Do you want to break through the fear that is preventing you from being influential and heard? 

To explore how one-on-one communication skills coaching can help you present you with enhanced confidence,

contact me at:

  JP@thebusinessofconfidence.com

818-415-8115

The 10 Things All Trustworthy, Trust-Generating Pros Do

 

You can’t be everything to everyone,

but you can be something great for someone. 

Arielle Jackson

 

 

Although I only play miniature golf I had the privilege to speak at the Titleist Performance World Golf Summit. I spoke on how coaches, trainers and teachers can create trust between themselves and their clients.

 

I explained that no matter what your field trust springs up when your client believes that you “see” and understand them.

 

In my talk I highlighted the basic communication skills that go into creating trust: listening, managing emotions, understanding your biases and using well-chosen words.

 

Since that talk, I’ve recognized a marked difference between those who are able to create a trusting relationship and those who seem robotic. Yes, clearly there’s a difference in communication skills BUT there’s also that “something else.”

 

I’m now convinced that the “something else” hovers around whether the coach, teacher, healer (substitute “manager” or “leader”) trusts their own individual self – trusts not just their professional skill set, but trusts their own person and their ability to enter into a relationship with others.

 

In order to establish trust with your client you need to trust your own self.

 

What does it mean to trust your own self?

 

While it’s about being “confident”, it’s about more than confidence. When you trust your self certain observable things happen – or at least, you’re willing to let happen.

 

Trusting yourself means that you –

 

  1. Believe what you’re doing is worthwhile and you’re committed to the job. Golf legend Scott Foley said it best: “I’m here to touch the individual lives of the people that I work with. I was raised on the idea that when you wake up in the morning and when you go to bed at night the goal is to leave the world in a better place than you found it.” 
  2. Readily and willingly make yourself vulnerable and are not easily embarrassed.
  3. Experience empathy for what your client is feeling, thinking.
  4. Respect failure and mistakes and so are patient because you know the process demands it.
  5. Convey knowledge and competency with a non-arrogant alertness so that a potential problem is addressed with, “here’s how we’ll handle it.”
  6. Telegraph joy in what you’re doing through a palpable sense of liveliness, exchange and laughter.
  7. Focus on the client and are not self-absorbed because the on-going dynamic of the relationship is paramount.
  8. Understand the inherent power of story – realizing that a command of facts alone doesn’t generate trust.
  9. Go about your business rooted in the belief that the ultimate goal is to hear a client say, “I hadn’t thought of that before.” It’s all about discovery.
  10. Are grateful – for the skill, the client, the opportunity. Everything rests on this.  Seriously, have you ever met an ingrate you trusted?  How can there be trust without gratitude?

 

I think these ten traits flow from being able to answer the most basic and simple of questions: “Who do I want to be?”

 

Answer that question and you will inevitably come to trust yourself – and so create a trusting relationship with your clients.

 

A recent client of mine told me that he wants to be known for five characteristics: Intriguing / interesting / powerful / knowledgeable / humble.

 

He believes that he is these words and also that he can become “more” of these words.

 

I’ve been working with him only a short while but I can see how those words mark him and why his business practice is getting noticed.

 

The truest of truths is that people will most trust you when you trust yourself. 

 

Why?  Because the more you trust yourself, the more you’ll –

  • trust your client
  • trust the process of the relationship
  • help the client trust him / her self

 

Trust is a circular experience.

 

A client or colleague trusts you when they believe you “see” them.

You can only see them when you see and trust yourself.

The more you trust yourself, the more you can help your client trust his or her own self. 

Help a client trust their own self and they will come to believe that they can “do it” – whatever skill that “it” might be.

 

Ultimately, the circle of trust begins with you.

There’s no magic to any of this, though when trust happens, it can be magical.

 

 

Do you want to break through the negative thinking that is preventing you from being influential and heard?

 

To explore how one-on-one communication skills coaching can help you present you with enhanced confidence,

contact me at:

  JP@thebusinessofconfidence.com

818-415-8115